One of my friends said to me on Friday night that the time period of engagement is so difficult because you are emotionally in a place that you are halachically not. To be honest, I don't think there is a better way to express it than that.
As Shabbos went on and I thought about this statement further, I realized that this is something everyone has to deal with. Everyone has their own nisyonos and this sentiment is basically what everyone deals with in their nisyonos. HaShem puts you into a position where you want to act one way, but halachically you know that you shouldn't. You are emotionally in a place that you are halachically not. And we know that halachah has to be how we act when confronted with these situations, but that doesn't necessarily make it an easy thing to do.
If we understand this conflict of emotion vs. halachah more thoroughly I think it will make it easier to withstand these nisyonos. Emotion is often a surge of energy. It is how we feel when thrown into a situation. It is the gut reaction. Keeping to halachah requires taking a step back and thinking with a cool head. What am I supposed to do? What is better for me in the long run?
HaShem only puts us through tests that He knows we can pass if we choose to put in the requisite effort. We are all here to accomplish different goals and He doesn't give us an unattainable goal. That would be pointless. Of course these tests are hard, but if we put in the effort to take a step back and think it through, we can pass in flying colors. I think that if we can calm down our gut reaction and look at our nisyonos from this vantage point of emotion vs. halachah it will put them into perspective and it may make it easier to overcome.
As Shabbos went on and I thought about this statement further, I realized that this is something everyone has to deal with. Everyone has their own nisyonos and this sentiment is basically what everyone deals with in their nisyonos. HaShem puts you into a position where you want to act one way, but halachically you know that you shouldn't. You are emotionally in a place that you are halachically not. And we know that halachah has to be how we act when confronted with these situations, but that doesn't necessarily make it an easy thing to do.
If we understand this conflict of emotion vs. halachah more thoroughly I think it will make it easier to withstand these nisyonos. Emotion is often a surge of energy. It is how we feel when thrown into a situation. It is the gut reaction. Keeping to halachah requires taking a step back and thinking with a cool head. What am I supposed to do? What is better for me in the long run?
HaShem only puts us through tests that He knows we can pass if we choose to put in the requisite effort. We are all here to accomplish different goals and He doesn't give us an unattainable goal. That would be pointless. Of course these tests are hard, but if we put in the effort to take a step back and think it through, we can pass in flying colors. I think that if we can calm down our gut reaction and look at our nisyonos from this vantage point of emotion vs. halachah it will put them into perspective and it may make it easier to overcome.
Great post! A lot of people seem to struggle with being overwhelmed by emotions and feelings (some hormonal) while dating and engaged. It certainly takes a level head and a firm sense of halacha to stay on target, though I've heard that many have indeed slipped a few times in this area. This is a great message of encouragement - nothing is impossible, despite emotional trials.
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