Ignorance Is Not Bliss

I was talking with one of my friends earlier this week and we were discussing the topic of loshon hara. He said something very interesting. He claimed that people misunderstand the concept of loshon hara. He said that often times it is a positive thing and it can help keep society in check. Sometimes there are people that prey on others due to the public fear of loshon hara. As long as nobody is willing to spread the word about what these people do in private, many more people can fall victim to such predators in the future.

I think his point is certainly valid but not completely correct. Built into the rules of loshon hara is the concept of loshon hara le'toeles. When there is a legitimate concern for the well-being of someone else or society at large, one is not only permitted to tell them the loshon hara that will protect them from danger, but one is supposed to tell them. Of course there are certain guidelines which must be adhered to, but the point is that one is not supposed to remain silent. Not informing someone about the harm that they can be caused by a third party is probably similar to the issur of placing a stumbling block in front of a blind person. There is no such thing here as being an "innocent by-stander". If you aren't part of the solution, you might as well be part of the problem. In this regard his point is incorrect. The halachos of loshon hara demand that a person speak up when it keeps society and wrong-doers in check.

However, his point is valid. There are certainly people that don't know about this idea of le'toeles, and even among those who know of the concept, many don't know the details. This leads to people being overly pious when it comes to loshon hara and things that should be said and are supposed to be said get left undisclosed. That is the problem. It isn't that there is a misunderstanding of loshon hara, it's that people don't study the halachos carefully enough to know the applications of when it is allowed. People would rather subjugate others to harm than learn the proper ways of discussing matters which are le'toeles.

In this day and age, I think this laziness in these matters is inexcusable. Not only are there many resources at our disposal, both in terms of great Torah scholars and translations of Sefer Chofetz Chaim broken into short daily sections, but what goes on in the world today is beyond atrocious, both in the secular world and the Jewish world. Almost every day you hear new news about this child molester or that person stealing from a charity. These issues should not be swept under the rug. When they are, two things occur: another innocent victim will suffer, and it will balloon up into a much bigger scandal that will eventually be revealed. Nothing can be kept secret forever, especially not in this day and age.

Learn the halachos, learn when and how it is appropriate, and when you can and should, speak up.

Emotion

One of my friends said to me on Friday night that the time period of engagement is so difficult because you are emotionally in a place that you are halachically not. To be honest, I don't think there is a better way to express it than that.
As Shabbos went on and I thought about this statement further, I realized that this is something everyone has to deal with. Everyone has their own nisyonos and this sentiment is basically what everyone deals with in their nisyonos. HaShem puts you into a position where you want to act one way, but halachically you know that you shouldn't. You are emotionally in a place that you are halachically not. And we know that halachah has to be how we act when confronted with these situations, but that doesn't necessarily make it an easy thing to do.
If we understand this conflict of emotion vs. halachah more thoroughly I think it will make it easier to withstand these nisyonos. Emotion is often a surge of energy. It is how we feel when thrown into a situation. It is the gut reaction. Keeping to halachah requires taking a step back and thinking with a cool head. What am I supposed to do? What is better for me in the long run?
HaShem only puts us through tests that He knows we can pass if we choose to put in the requisite effort. We are all here to accomplish different goals and He doesn't give us an unattainable goal. That would be pointless. Of course these tests are hard, but if we put in the effort to take a step back and think it through, we can pass in flying colors. I think that if we can calm down our gut reaction and look at our nisyonos from this vantage point of emotion vs. halachah it will put them into perspective and it may make it easier to overcome.

Compassion

This past Friday I was taking the subway up from midtown. I was going to take the 3 uptown from Penn Station and transfer at 96th to the 1. When the 3 train arrived at 96th St. the people seemed like they couldn't get out quickly enough. As I entered the train it was obvious why. There was a homeless man sleeping on the opposite end of the car and his presence was known throughout out the whole car due to his odor. At each stop people got on the car and immediately migrated to the opposite side of the car. Some stayed where there were open seats closer to the man with their shirts over their faces, some went through to the next car, some came to my side. I was fortunate enough to have entered on the other end of the car. Not fortunate in terms of escaping the smell, but in terms of the lesson learned.
There were a few ladies that got on the train at 72nd St. on the wrong end of the car. They noticed the man and his smell and began to gasp, cover their noses, scream about how bad it smelled, and continued making a rukus about the situation until they exited the train at the next stop. Now I don't know how I would've handled the situation had I entered on that end of the train, but seeing their reaction triggered some thoughts in my mind and I would like to share them now.
The man was sleeping and he remained asleep as long as I was on the train, but that doesn't excuse the reaction of those women. Clearly this person was not in the best of situations and I'm sure he knew it already. Making a big commotion about his smell didn't make them smell it any less, it only brings attention to the fact that this is someone they don't want to be around. Let's put ourselves in his shoes for a moment. Do you think he is someone who lives a happy life? Is he okay with his circumstances? Probably not. Do these women make him feel any better about it? Probably not. Do they make him feel worse? Almost certainly so.
I think when we see someone who is homeless or in a less than desirable situation, we should think compassionately about them, not be disgusted by their unfortunate circumstances. We may not offer to let them shower in our house but that doesn't mean we should make a scene just because of an odor. Of course it's not pleasant for us, but do you think they like it any better?
Even if we don't have a way to help them, at the very least don't hurt them.

Customs

This shabbos Yael and I were learning about kiddush and hamotze. By kiddush we were discussing the various minhagim regarding sitting vs. standing and by hamotze we were discussing whether one should dip the challah in the salt or pour salt on top. We looked into the Mishnah Brurah on both topics and tried to find a conclusion as to what the halachah says on the subjects.
Something we mentioned was that people tend to discuss family customs about these matters but they never bother looking at what the halachic sources actually say. There are some areas in one's observance that he just looks at his father or his rebbe and decides that this is the way something is supposed to be done without really looking it up or discussing it with a posek. Obviously, tradition and minhagim are an integral part of Jewish existence, but you never know if your father/rebbe is doing something because of a minhag or because of a specific situation that exists. If you look up the halachah it may be that their practice was because of extenuating circumstances that don't necessarily apply to you.
We noticed at first glance that many of the various minhagim regarding the standing and sitting during kiddush are supported equally and validated by both the Rama"h and Mishnah Brurah, but not every minhag has a basis in halachah and some may be based on unique situations. It's always best to trace it back to it's source and see which minhagim you identify with as having a basis in the halachic sources and which you may feel are more questionable.