Engagement

As you may have heard, I got engaged this past Wednesday to the most A-M-A-Z-I-N-G girl in the world (shout out to Yael). As always, people ask, "How did you guys meet?" So take out your Meseches Yevamos and try to follow along.
Here are the characters you will have to know: my oldest brother, Levi; his wife, Deenie; her two sister's, Dawn and Risa; my second brother, Reuven; his wife, Shoshana; her parents, Mordechai and Yaffa; Mordechai's brother, Jeff (who is married to Risa); and Yaffa's sister, Rachel. [Like I warned: bring on the Meseches Yevamos.]
Levi grew up with Deenie and while they were dating after college, Dawn set up Reuven with Jeff and Risa's niece, Shoshana, daughter of Mordechai and Yaffa. Yael, my fiance, is Shoshana's cousin through their mothers. That's the gist of the family tree.
I dated a girl who Dawn's daughter thought would be good for me and, understandably, she said I was too yeshivish for her but she told Dawn that I might be good for her best friend instead. I went out with said friend on three dates but there was no real chemistry. These two girls happened to have gone to high school with Yael. They discussed with each other that I might be good for Yael instead. Yael called her cousin, my sister-in-law, Shoshana and she called me. I had already "known" Yael for five years as my sister-in-law's cousin but that entailed little more than just saying "Good Shabbos". I gave it some thought and decided I would take her out and give it a try. The next 4 months and change are the result, and they have been nothing short of wonderful.
So what's the point? What is the hisorerus?
If you're asking that question, you may want to read the family tree and story one more time. Hashgacha works in ways we can never understand. There is a time and place for everything that HaShem does. If the timing isn't right, it won't happen. And when the time comes, it'll work out in ways you never expected. I had seen Yael numerous times throughout the last 5 years, but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that we would be getting married.

PS Her uncle was my Rabbi in fifth grade.

Self Control, Part 2

I know I already wrote on this topic before but I feel like I need chizuk in this area and that is really one of the points of this blog: to be mechazek others in areas that I find I have trouble with. It isn't just about how much time I spend watching YouTube or doing other pointless things online, self control is about a way of life and it has to do with every decision we make throughout every day we are given.
I definitely think that taking things slowly in terms of adapting is an effective way to develop as a person. If you try to take on everything at once it will last 2 days (if you're lucky) and then you'll just give up. But at the same time you can't just take on one commitment for one week and then forget about it thinking that the one week will have a meaningful, lasting impact on your life. It's all nice and good to not waste time on YouTube for a whole week, but what good is that in the long run if that one week is the only time you take control and if that one area is the only area you take control in?
My suggestion: take on something meaningful new each and every week and don't let go of the commitment from the previous week. Just because you already did the YouTube thing for a week doesn't mean you should go back to watching videos for 5 hours a day the next week. Don't lose your grip on something that you had control over. Maybe loosen the grip, but certainly don't let go completely. And the new commitment each week might not even be in the same area as previous commitments. It may be a commitment to exercise a little bit everyday. Maybe to do 20 pushups before you go to bed everyday or to eat a fruit or vegetable with every meal of the week. (Venishmartem es nafshoseichem is a mitzvah too.)
The idea is to show yourself that you can control your daily or hourly decisions. Humans are acting beings, not reacting beings. You may not be able to control the inputs, but it is up to you how you decide to act. Animals react to their surroundings based on the outside stimuli; humans choose how they are going to act based solely on what they choose to do. We choose to eat that extra piece of candy for dessert, to watch TV instead of going to the gym, to hit the snooze button another 5 times, or to open a sefer, run a mile, swim a few laps, do a chesed for someone else...
What will you choose tomorrow?

Hashgacha

Well this week was pretty much a no-brainer. There was a snow storm. It "ruined" my plans. Or did it?
This past Thursday I was supposed to be heading to LA until Tuesday for a little break with my special someone (shout-out). Wednesday morning the snow hit... hard. Obviously there were no flights going to the sunny land. No more Disneyland, no 3rd St. Promenade, no Santa Monica Pier, no Grove, and most importantly, no Coffee Bean (x 15-20 depending on how many we drove by on any given day).
So here we are, Wednesday night, our flight the next morning is a no-go. Despite all the fun we had on Wednesday itself, this was the ultimate bummer. We had planned this for a while and we were extremely excited for all of the above. And as we sat on her parent's couch sulking in the recent news we decided that this wasn't the right mode of action.
The snow was something completely out of our hands and there was nothing we could do about it. All we could do was decide how we would react to it. At that moment we set our minds on having a good time this weekend despite our trip being canceled/postponed. We had a great time Thursday, Friday and Shabbos and there is still Sunday ahead of us as well.
"Man plans, G-d laughs." Definitely the easiest, most simple lesson from this weekend. All we can do as humans is choose how we will respond, how we react to the situation. There is ultimately a plan in motion and nothing we do can possibly go against that plan. Go with the flow and ride the current where it's going. In the end, we had a great weekend regardless of being stuck on the East Coast and we are planning on going to LA next weekend.

Reconnecting to the Roots

This week was the "Sha'alvim Shabbaton" in YU. A few of the rabbeim came in and were able to be mechazek the bochrim from Sha'alvim. I always enjoy these shabbatonim because I feel like it brings me back to the days of yeshiva. You get to sit down with a rebbe who was so influential in your formative years in Eretz Yisroel and it takes you back to simpler times. You didn't have that essay to write or that midterm to study for. You sat all day and you learned. You worked on yourself in an environment where there were no other obligations. Everything was much more straightforward.
Back to the rabbeim. I've always been one to get a close kesher with my rabbeim. It was actually my 11th grade rebbe who suggested that I go to Sha'alvim for that very reason. And although there are a number of rabbeim around YU that I have been able to get a kesher with, baruch HaShem, the connection with a rav from yeshiva is not the same as one from YU. I feel like you get a better sense of who you are in yeshiva and who you want to become throughout life. That transition is primarily done in Eretz Yisroel and YU is perfecting that vision, not creating it.
That's why these shabbatonim are so special to me. It is a reminder of those formidable years when my journey through life was truly beginning. They set the standard for all years to come. And while I may not be able to go back to Sha'alvim, having those rabbeim who were so important at that time come to YU brings a taste of Sha'alvim back with them. It is a moment to reflect. How have I been doing? Am I living up to those goals I set for myself? How do I improve? And shabbos in general is a great time for that reflection.